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[shri]

LAKSHMI BAI BARRAYARAN - LOYALTY POINTS: 7 IC CONTACT LETTERS / ACTION / OTHER

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[dendarii]

[ Miles laughs a little and relaxes again. ]

Who was Devi?

[shri]

[ She pauses - opening her mouth and surely she has mentioned her? But no, she hasn't, has she? She never mentions anything if she can help it. Nothing important anyway, nothing so personal as what constitutes her family.

Good Lord, how does he put up with her, sometimes? But she supposed he had less of a time prying it from her than most. He made it shockingly easy to simply talk. ]

She is... a daughter of sorts. What remains of my - durgavasi - my guardswomen, that rode with me most of my life. The heir now, to my fight. When it's a little too... public for myself given the... laws, she is the one that stands in my place. [ And like any mother, she clucks, her fingers threading her fingers through his hair in the same idle way. ] Stubborn, far too inclined to throw herself in the way of danger. She rips my heart from my chest almost daily. I swear she punishes me that way for daring to worry.

[dendarii]

[ Miles is real good at that. He attributes it to a genuine willingness to listen and his insatiable curiosity. ]

Ah, much like an armsman then. I think I know a Devi already.

[ Well, with the relationships flipped. Bothari had been closer to a father figure. ]

[shri]

[ She'll sew her mouth shut, one day, fix him then. ]

It isn't that always the way? Inclined to die for our people and someone to remind us that someone needs us alive.

[ She closes her eyes - and more than anything, this is what she wants, what she wanted to give him. Shared warmth, quiet words that feel as soft as forgiveness. ] Did yours keep your feet on the ground too?

[dendarii]

[ He nods quietly at that, picturing his armsman. Ah, it's been thirteen years already ... ]

Indeed. Or flew to my side when I needed protection. [ His voice lowers to a murmur. ] He's protected me from my grandfather since before I was born.

[shri]

[ She draws her fingers against him, against the curve of his mouth, the edge of it. Not to make him look up at her, just to share in that affection. ]

Tell me of who I should be so grateful too?

[dendarii]

[ He gladly leans, then, content. ]

Konstantin Bothari. My bodyguard of many years.

[shri]

[ Warmth so easily shared as she listens. Shifting herself so very slightly to get comfortable. ]

I take it some of his guarding often meant playing nursemaid?

[dendarii]

Of course. Perpetually for most of my childhood.

[shri]

You must have been an eager child.

[ Bright as he is now, bright as he would be then. ]

[dendarii]

Oh yes. Quite determined to get myself into all sorts of trouble. His job was to make sure none of it was fatal.

[shri]

[ She groans at the thought of managing that. No, no, perhaps she should be grateful she cannot get with child. Having a smaller version of him running around with a child's utter lack of fear would be a nightmare. ]

At least you are little enough to be picked up, then, it's the great consolation with children.

[dendarii]

I would prefer not to be, thank you. Unless you are about to do something very fun with me that requires it.

[shri]

[ She keeps her face as straight as possible like the thought hadn't occured to even once. ] Perish the thought, my lord.

[ Her grin is sly, brief, then as she thinks on it. ] If it is any consolation to you, as I was before -? It would have been at my limit, but I think I could have managed to carry Maine.

[dendarii]

[ Miles can't help but laugh a bit at that. ]

I'd love to see it.

[shri]

[ Her arms link around him, a little to touch, and a little to brace and he is smaller than her after all, makes it easy to lift up with her hips where she's got him bracketed comfortably in the cradle of her hips to roll him suddenly back. So she can lean in over him, press her face into his neck and press warm open mouthed kisses down it, a soft curl of a smile she tucks into soft skin. Laughing with him. Secrets, there, too. ]

Would you? What else would you see me do?

[dendarii]

[ Oh. Despite his earlier protest, he actually quite likes the gesture. The feeling of her arms around him, lifting him up with strength that clearly eclipses his own, being on the same level for a moment before she leans down again. It's enough to bring a bright flush to his cheeks as he kisses back with gleeful enjoyment. ]

Many things, my lady. When we manage a little privacy.

[shri]

[ She leans forward a little, to press her forehead to his, smiling pleasantly, the fall of her hair as good enough veil to privacy where it is half unravelled and over her shoulder. Getting longer than she likes but - ah, she'll deal with it later. ]

I suppose caves will have to do since sheets are an impossibility. [ Kisses him again, sighing into it. ] I wish we could do nothing else.

[dendarii]

[ Good. He reaches a hand out, then, threading his fingers through her hair in turn as he returns the kiss. ]

As do I. But we make do with what we have, while we have it.

[shri]

[ Her hand shifts to his chest, light where her weight is balanced on her knees. Her palm settling flat over his heart beat. A solid thud-thud-thud, felt against worn skin. Reassuring to it, steady as drums. She presses her lips together on the taste of him and it's remarkably simple to her, to take everything as her last. Because it's all it ever might be. Her last pieces of affection, her last shreds given to someone she knows will always view her, whatever else she might do, as herself. For all that might be.

The same way, she had always looked at him. ]

Miles, there is one last thing I must ask of you.

[dendarii]

[ He is ... more used to having time, having ease. He is the son of a Count, after all, and in a relatively peaceful era. But he's had his own struggles, and knows how quickly everything can disappear. Especially here.

He leans up to place a light kiss on the corner of her mouth, then leans back to take her in again. ]

Anything.

[shri]

[ She wanted to dig at him a little more, wasn't he that eager the first time? Until she told him all kinds of awful truths. He should surely learn that lesson. Stop giving her so much of himself, but she wants to take it, wants to take that kiss on the corner of her mouth and let that be the only thing she has to ask. Let that be all of them.

But it's not and it won't ever be. He's - Vorkosigan, even if she's only beginning to learn what that means in truth. She pulls up, just that little to give herself space to talk. ]

The next time I am captured, Miles... [ shuts her eyes briefly, painful almost, but she has to be sure about those choices. when never if. Not when she's planning for the worst case scenario. ] ... what I went through. I will not do it again. I will not risk what I am and your home to that. Nor will I be pried apart for anything less than my own people's good.

[ She slips her fingers against his hair, to his face, tracing the edge of his cheekbone, the sulk below his lip. Carefully, carefully, to put it memory, to keep it to herself. ]

You must promise me you will not risk yourself in some pointless attempt to save me again. You must assume I am dead, because that will be my choice if I can make it.

[dendarii]

[ Miles freezes abruptly at that, sucking in a breath. God, of all the things to ask ... He understands it, really he does, but he can't bear the thought of it. ]

Lakshmi ...

[ No, he won't do it. While she's alive, there's hope. Even when fast penta is involved. Even when everything is at risk. He shakes his head sharply. ]

I can't possibly do that. The same way you couldn't abandon me to the same fate.

[shri]

[ She doesn't grow cross with him, too content and warm. Even if what they're talking about isn't, merely inevitabilities that have to be discussed. Just brushes her fingers against his hair, drawing it back from his face. ] You know I would not, you know I would fight for you to my last breath.

[ It's not some thrown out declaration. Not a passionate plea. It is. It is what she will do. Like the sun comes up and the tide goes out and she will thread her fingers through his and hang on for all she's worth. But that will not be forever, and they are, after all, at war. ]

But what I am telling you what I will have done. So you might never waste your life on it.

[dendarii]

[ That's no comfort. Even worse, he's completely certain she would do it. That quiet determination is worse than any passionate declaration ...

He reaches up for her hair again, gently. ]

Please don't. I'll swear not to give my life if you swear to be alive for me to rescue you.