[ She groans at the thought of managing that. No, no, perhaps she should be grateful she cannot get with child. Having a smaller version of him running around with a child's utter lack of fear would be a nightmare. ]
At least you are little enough to be picked up, then, it's the great consolation with children.
[ She keeps her face as straight as possible like the thought hadn't occured to even once. ] Perish the thought, my lord.
[ Her grin is sly, brief, then as she thinks on it. ] If it is any consolation to you, as I was before -? It would have been at my limit, but I think I could have managed to carry Maine.
[ Her arms link around him, a little to touch, and a little to brace and he is smaller than her after all, makes it easy to lift up with her hips where she's got him bracketed comfortably in the cradle of her hips to roll him suddenly back. So she can lean in over him, press her face into his neck and press warm open mouthed kisses down it, a soft curl of a smile she tucks into soft skin. Laughing with him. Secrets, there, too. ]
[ Oh. Despite his earlier protest, he actually quite likes the gesture. The feeling of her arms around him, lifting him up with strength that clearly eclipses his own, being on the same level for a moment before she leans down again. It's enough to bring a bright flush to his cheeks as he kisses back with gleeful enjoyment. ]
Many things, my lady. When we manage a little privacy.
[ She leans forward a little, to press her forehead to his, smiling pleasantly, the fall of her hair as good enough veil to privacy where it is half unravelled and over her shoulder. Getting longer than she likes but - ah, she'll deal with it later. ]
I suppose caves will have to do since sheets are an impossibility. [ Kisses him again, sighing into it. ] I wish we could do nothing else.
[ Her hand shifts to his chest, light where her weight is balanced on her knees. Her palm settling flat over his heart beat. A solid thud-thud-thud, felt against worn skin. Reassuring to it, steady as drums. She presses her lips together on the taste of him and it's remarkably simple to her, to take everything as her last. Because it's all it ever might be. Her last pieces of affection, her last shreds given to someone she knows will always view her, whatever else she might do, as herself. For all that might be.
[ He is ... more used to having time, having ease. He is the son of a Count, after all, and in a relatively peaceful era. But he's had his own struggles, and knows how quickly everything can disappear. Especially here.
He leans up to place a light kiss on the corner of her mouth, then leans back to take her in again. ]
[ She wanted to dig at him a little more, wasn't he that eager the first time? Until she told him all kinds of awful truths. He should surely learn that lesson. Stop giving her so much of himself, but she wants to take it, wants to take that kiss on the corner of her mouth and let that be the only thing she has to ask. Let that be all of them.
But it's not and it won't ever be. He's - Vorkosigan, even if she's only beginning to learn what that means in truth. She pulls up, just that little to give herself space to talk. ]
The next time I am captured, Miles... [ shuts her eyes briefly, painful almost, but she has to be sure about those choices. when never if. Not when she's planning for the worst case scenario. ] ... what I went through. I will not do it again. I will not risk what I am and your home to that. Nor will I be pried apart for anything less than my own people's good.
[ She slips her fingers against his hair, to his face, tracing the edge of his cheekbone, the sulk below his lip. Carefully, carefully, to put it memory, to keep it to herself. ]
You must promise me you will not risk yourself in some pointless attempt to save me again. You must assume I am dead, because that will be my choice if I can make it.
[ Miles freezes abruptly at that, sucking in a breath. God, of all the things to ask ... He understands it, really he does, but he can't bear the thought of it. ]
Lakshmi ...
[ No, he won't do it. While she's alive, there's hope. Even when fast penta is involved. Even when everything is at risk. He shakes his head sharply. ]
I can't possibly do that. The same way you couldn't abandon me to the same fate.
[ She doesn't grow cross with him, too content and warm. Even if what they're talking about isn't, merely inevitabilities that have to be discussed. Just brushes her fingers against his hair, drawing it back from his face. ] You know I would not, you know I would fight for you to my last breath.
[ It's not some thrown out declaration. Not a passionate plea. It is. It is what she will do. Like the sun comes up and the tide goes out and she will thread her fingers through his and hang on for all she's worth. But that will not be forever, and they are, after all, at war. ]
But what I am telling you what I will have done. So you might never waste your life on it.
[ She can't stand that - even she's the cause of it. Leans forward to kiss him soundly rather than give him a response when she doesn't have the one he wants. Just to make it go away for awhile, just a little while.
( What a joke, come here to give him so relief, something else to think about than his own families troubles. ) Pulls up slightly, her hand settling flat beside his head to hold herself up. ] I'm only thinking of your home, Miles.
[ She kisses the space between his brows. Light and careful, as soft as asking for forgiveness. Because she doesn't expect anything else from him, no more than she can expect anything else from herself. ]
Then you have your answer. Let me do what I can to spare your home the horrors I could never save mine from.
[ She keeps smiling, shaking her head to hush whatever else he might say. Keeps close even as she shifts, laying down against his side on the ground. Looks up briefly away from where she watches the curl of his mouth in the surety of shared intimacy. Settled then. Her eyes drift up, idle more than anything direct. Letting her mind slip away. ]
Do your people tell stories about stars? Or does travelling them mean no one bothers anymore?
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At least you are little enough to be picked up, then, it's the great consolation with children.
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[ Her grin is sly, brief, then as she thinks on it. ] If it is any consolation to you, as I was before -? It would have been at my limit, but I think I could have managed to carry Maine.
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I'd love to see it.
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Would you? What else would you see me do?
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Many things, my lady. When we manage a little privacy.
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I suppose caves will have to do since sheets are an impossibility. [ Kisses him again, sighing into it. ] I wish we could do nothing else.
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As do I. But we make do with what we have, while we have it.
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The same way, she had always looked at him. ]
Miles, there is one last thing I must ask of you.
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He leans up to place a light kiss on the corner of her mouth, then leans back to take her in again. ]
Anything.
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But it's not and it won't ever be. He's - Vorkosigan, even if she's only beginning to learn what that means in truth. She pulls up, just that little to give herself space to talk. ]
The next time I am captured, Miles... [ shuts her eyes briefly, painful almost, but she has to be sure about those choices. when never if. Not when she's planning for the worst case scenario. ] ... what I went through. I will not do it again. I will not risk what I am and your home to that. Nor will I be pried apart for anything less than my own people's good.
[ She slips her fingers against his hair, to his face, tracing the edge of his cheekbone, the sulk below his lip. Carefully, carefully, to put it memory, to keep it to herself. ]
You must promise me you will not risk yourself in some pointless attempt to save me again. You must assume I am dead, because that will be my choice if I can make it.
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Lakshmi ...
[ No, he won't do it. While she's alive, there's hope. Even when fast penta is involved. Even when everything is at risk. He shakes his head sharply. ]
I can't possibly do that. The same way you couldn't abandon me to the same fate.
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[ It's not some thrown out declaration. Not a passionate plea. It is. It is what she will do. Like the sun comes up and the tide goes out and she will thread her fingers through his and hang on for all she's worth. But that will not be forever, and they are, after all, at war. ]
But what I am telling you what I will have done. So you might never waste your life on it.
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He reaches up for her hair again, gently. ]
Please don't. I'll swear not to give my life if you swear to be alive for me to rescue you.
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[ A lean down, brushing the tip of her nose against his cheek. Where she has the leave to be affectionate with him, she is. ]
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Please. Just for this aspect. I'll not ask it of anything else.
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( What a joke, come here to give him so relief, something else to think about than his own families troubles. ) Pulls up slightly, her hand settling flat beside his head to hold herself up. ] I'm only thinking of your home, Miles.
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I know you are. But - please. Do this one thing for me.
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Is it - this - worth it?
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I care for my planet above all else. Even myself.
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Then you have your answer. Let me do what I can to spare your home the horrors I could never save mine from.
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Lakshmi ...
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Do your people tell stories about stars? Or does travelling them mean no one bothers anymore?
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Of course we do. The new tales are different, but the old tales are the same as any other world's.
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Which do you prefer? Old or new?
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