[ She breathes out, slowly, carefully trying to keep back that unnameable something that is swelling in her chest. He's intoxicating in the way of possibilities, the way that could have been feels like it might be. She keeps her hand steady against his back. Brushing back and forth as she thinks. ]
Then, are you asking simply because I am a woman that might?
[ Hovers on that might. It's hardly an uncomplicated decision. Not with all that he is, everything that she is. To be wanted desperately, was one thing, but even so. She didn't want either of them to come to those choices because of making do. ]
[ He hesitates a long moment. And then another. It's true a lot of this is proximity. And the Vorkosigan tendency to propose instantly to the first woman they fall in love with.
But ... there's something else here, dammit. Lakshmi is still special even if marriage is too large of a step. ]
[ ... Someone should really tell her about that tendency. But even so, she pulls back a little to look him in the eye. Swallowing again, calm, slow, she doesn't want to press either of them too hard. Too much soft skin, too many broken parts. These kinds of wounds never really heal. ]
Then tell me.
[ Not poetics, let her know how he thinks this will be, will end. ]
[ His gaze drops back down again. What can he promise, anyway? If he stays, he has nothing for her. Another fight, no children, no homes or gardens. A humble soldier's life at best, and that through her connection to the Rangers. Twenty years of waiting for one critical moment.
And if he goes home? He could marry her then. But never meet Ekaterin - or worse, meet her and fall in love with her too.
[ She wraps her fingers softly, tilting her head so she can lean to kiss him again. Soundly, surely. Keeps herself there even after she stops it, murmuring the words into the small space in quiet, kept sounds. All secrets - not of state, but nothing them and theirs. ]
Let us be enough for now, and we can sort... the rest of it out, later.
[ she hums softly, her eyes shut, and sighs a little. Mournful almost, she doesn't really want to get up just ] I suppose I cannot stay here forever with you.
[ She laughs in return, not forever, no but a little bit longer? She thinks she can be that selfish for awhile. Her head leans to kiss him again. Slowly, laughing into his mouth as she does. Feels good just for that. Something tightly knotted in her chest that has come loose after far too long. ]
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Then, are you asking simply because I am a woman that might?
[ Hovers on that might. It's hardly an uncomplicated decision. Not with all that he is, everything that she is. To be wanted desperately, was one thing, but even so. She didn't want either of them to come to those choices because of making do. ]
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But ... there's something else here, dammit. Lakshmi is still special even if marriage is too large of a step. ]
Of course not.
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Then tell me.
[ Not poetics, let her know how he thinks this will be, will end. ]
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And if he goes home? He could marry her then. But never meet Ekaterin - or worse, meet her and fall in love with her too.
The silence goes on another long moment. ]
I don't know what will happen in the end.
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[ She wraps her fingers softly, tilting her head so she can lean to kiss him again. Soundly, surely. Keeps herself there even after she stops it, murmuring the words into the small space in quiet, kept sounds. All secrets - not of state, but nothing them and theirs. ]
Let us be enough for now, and we can sort... the rest of it out, later.
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A wise decision.
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I would gladly stay, of course ...
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