STATION 72 ; mental link

[shri]

KALI She Who is the Great Destroyer ; She Who wears a Garland of Skulls	LAKSHMI She Who Believes in Truth ; She Who is the Mother
DRAUPADI She who was Born of Fire Sacrafice;	DURGA She Who is perpetually endeavouring to protect the weak and the poor and remove their misery.

( CODE BY WHAMBAM )

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[wille]

( What did you ask him? )

[ And what did he say, rather. Suspicion pushed to the extreme end of the spectrum. A strobe light flicking on without warning. The crackle of a megaphone when someone holds it over her lips without speaking. When she laughs, wry, it is to downplay her own anxieties. ]

( But they should. The world isn't kind to us now. Shouldn't they learn? I don't understand how anyone can just stumble about, do nothing, just while away the time. It's a waste. All of us here got a new lease on life, it's on us to make it count. )

[ And she is so viciously sure of this, even as the boy at hand said as much to her: I can't live like you. ]

( But-- okay, did Kaji make you call him "master"? )

[ Cause what the fuck? ]

[shri]

( - Oh, no, he did not. My English tutors were specific in how you address those who you do not know well for men and women. To simply say someone's name is... supposes a personal relationship that I would not wish to impose. By the same, you are Madam or Mistress Misato. )

[ Because to her mind, she is consciously speaking English, for all that the English seemed to spread like rats on ships, regardless of what the symbiote does.

At least question is easier while that flame flickers in it's brazier, slithering over bark. ]

( At least by the English rules, in Hindustan, it is different again. )

[wille]

( Mm . . . You really don't have to. )

[ Can you feel her physical squirming in discomfort, Lakshmi? Can you sense the familiar leak of insecurity, this trademark sense on so similar a frequency to a fourteen-year-old boy's? ]

( Then why did you call me Misato from the start? )

[shri]

[ Oh she can, like Rust over the idea of marriage. Rather than be offended she - does her best not to tease. The light soft flickering hum of bemusement. ]

( If you recall, I was... tied up. I didn't have much want to manners. English or otherwise.

Afterwards... you were not just a woman I knew in passing. You were Misato, and I would not want to... distance you from myself in such a way. )

[wille]

[ Distance is the way of human relationships. Intimacy the rare unicorn she knows (and fears) that she will never deserve. Her reaction is an echo to the moment Kaji said her name, that is Misato, not Katsuragi. Katsuragi is her father's name, the name of the burden on her shoulders that too many mistake for her, herself. ]

( Oh. )

[ Maybe from a verbose character as her, it is the lack of words that betray significance. ]

( Thanks. I mean-- You can keep calling me Misato obviously. I don't want you to call me Madam or Mistress, that sounds weird. )

[shri]

( No I expect a different sort of ranking suits you far better than a lady's graces. )

[ Assuming of course, but she suspected she was military, the way she behaved, called and responded. But more than that. Something light, teasing, to put the words back in Misato's mouth. Because she hadn't wanted to steal them away so suddenly from her, not with something so plainly obvious from Lakshmi. ]

[wille]

( Hm. I was Major back home. )

[ Muted. Unimpressed with it, or herself. ]

( Anyway, those are just titles somebody made up. It doesn't mean much. Names matter more. )

[shri]

[ She starts to laugh, bemused. ]

( I think as a Queen, and as Brahman, I am obliged to disagree you. But I am as I am, to that.

Which is if you are asking, rather where things fell apart with Shinji and myself. )

[wille]

( Titles should be something two people agree to, isn't it? Like you asking me to call you Rani, and me agreeing. Without it, the title has no use. )

[ But all this is hot air, too. ]

( You haven't told me what happened with Shinji. )

[shri]

( I stabbed myself to prove a point about how it doesn't matter at times, how we try to block each out, privacy and politeness has nothing to do with it, we will feel what each other feel.

He disagreed, quite strongly. I was too heavy handed, I know. )

[wille]

( Oh. )

[ You hurt her boy, Lakshmi . . . ]

( What does that have to do with you being Queen? Or Brahman? )

[shri]

( They aren't my titles, Misato, they are the tenets by which I live my life, that have dictated my whole being. Brahmin meant that when I was told to get married at 13, per the traditions of my caste. No matter how it terrified me to become a queen when I was a poor, half starved mess of a child, I did it. Queen meant I would never have the luxury of ever belonging to myself ever again. My life has been public property since I told the priest to tie the marital knot extra tight so it might never loosen. Whether it was the praises of my people calling me holy, or my enemies pamphlets calling me whore.

And they mean, most of all, that I never get to look away. From any of it. )

[ This is your blade now, Manu, put out your hands, hold them flat. This will hurt, so you never forget what this is -

The stung red line on her palms. Where she is at present, she curls her fingers into those line, faded to no existence under the many others that have followed. The pinched feeling at the front of her brow that is a budding frustration and misery at being so - out of step, when her whole life she has been certain about who she is, what she is, how life was. ]

( I do not offer excuse - but I forgot that no one else has had such things happen to them since I was younger Shinji is now. So when he protested, I taught in the way I was taught and have since lived my life. )