STATION 72 ; mental link

[shri]

KALI She Who is the Great Destroyer ; She Who wears a Garland of Skulls	LAKSHMI She Who Believes in Truth ; She Who is the Mother
DRAUPADI She who was Born of Fire Sacrafice;	DURGA She Who is perpetually endeavouring to protect the weak and the poor and remove their misery.

( CODE BY WHAMBAM )

Comments

[wille]

( Hm. I was Major back home. )

[ Muted. Unimpressed with it, or herself. ]

( Anyway, those are just titles somebody made up. It doesn't mean much. Names matter more. )

[shri]

[ She starts to laugh, bemused. ]

( I think as a Queen, and as Brahman, I am obliged to disagree you. But I am as I am, to that.

Which is if you are asking, rather where things fell apart with Shinji and myself. )

[wille]

( Titles should be something two people agree to, isn't it? Like you asking me to call you Rani, and me agreeing. Without it, the title has no use. )

[ But all this is hot air, too. ]

( You haven't told me what happened with Shinji. )

[shri]

( I stabbed myself to prove a point about how it doesn't matter at times, how we try to block each out, privacy and politeness has nothing to do with it, we will feel what each other feel.

He disagreed, quite strongly. I was too heavy handed, I know. )

[wille]

( Oh. )

[ You hurt her boy, Lakshmi . . . ]

( What does that have to do with you being Queen? Or Brahman? )

[shri]

( They aren't my titles, Misato, they are the tenets by which I live my life, that have dictated my whole being. Brahmin meant that when I was told to get married at 13, per the traditions of my caste. No matter how it terrified me to become a queen when I was a poor, half starved mess of a child, I did it. Queen meant I would never have the luxury of ever belonging to myself ever again. My life has been public property since I told the priest to tie the marital knot extra tight so it might never loosen. Whether it was the praises of my people calling me holy, or my enemies pamphlets calling me whore.

And they mean, most of all, that I never get to look away. From any of it. )

[ This is your blade now, Manu, put out your hands, hold them flat. This will hurt, so you never forget what this is -

The stung red line on her palms. Where she is at present, she curls her fingers into those line, faded to no existence under the many others that have followed. The pinched feeling at the front of her brow that is a budding frustration and misery at being so - out of step, when her whole life she has been certain about who she is, what she is, how life was. ]

( I do not offer excuse - but I forgot that no one else has had such things happen to them since I was younger Shinji is now. So when he protested, I taught in the way I was taught and have since lived my life. )