STATION 72 ; mental link

[shri]

KALI She Who is the Great Destroyer ; She Who wears a Garland of Skulls	LAKSHMI She Who Believes in Truth ; She Who is the Mother
DRAUPADI She who was Born of Fire Sacrafice;	DURGA She Who is perpetually endeavouring to protect the weak and the poor and remove their misery.

( CODE BY WHAMBAM )

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[sistershoggoth]

[ She's slinking around on her own for a reason. She doesn't want Noctis or Gildor or who the fuck else who actually knows that she's always a hair's breadth away from going back to her old habits to stop her. But that's the problem, even avoiding the drink and the drugs: she'd still done it. She'd gone and gotten her fucking fix off smashing herself into Noctis and Sam, one of whom had consented to it... the other hadn't.

Both weigh in the pit of her stomach.

And she'd like to just... not. Would like to numb her brain so she doesn't feel so guilty, and may have also convinced herself that maybe she wouldn't be so telepathically dangerous if she was too drunk to send herself sprawling into everyone else's heads.

She's outright stolen a bottle of that nasty grassy shit everyone has been drinking and is going off to lurk in the dark edges of the encampment when Lakshmi spots her. Annie freezes up guiltily for a moment before realizing... Fucking Rani has no fucking clue. So she just smiles wryly under her hood instead, ]

Wanna drink?

[shri]

[ no clue at all, save that it takes one doing who was used to doing things she's not supposed to, to notice that Annie appears to be... Up to something.

Though that why that something was as mild as having a drink? Mysteries for later on, as Annie offered up the drink and Lakshmi, behind her veils, seems taken back. At least for a moment - Gildor has no small problem with drink and she knew better than to drag him with her.

So it takes her a moment construct a wall that omits him from anything particular to her situation at the moment before she nods and... Takes the drink, go follow with the mildest, lightest sip. Erring more on the side of being polite and good manners than anything else.

"Thank you, Miss Annie."

[sistershoggoth]

[ Annie barks a laugh at being called 'Miss', for a whole second it takes her back to the Academy. Her short tenure as headmistress, when people had tried to show her all this revery and respect because she'd saved the fucking world and was doing her best to help the kids that remained.

She'd fucking asked Asuka to kill her.

She takes a big drink, tilting the bottle up over her head and all but inhaling before offering it back over to Lakshmi. ]

'Miss' makes me sound half-decent, fuck it.

[shri]

[ Oh - well. That's a drink and a half, isn't it? Full as a soldier. Lakshmi's eyebrows raise somewhat behind her veils.

Well, then, there you go. ]

Do you detest that notion more or less than marriage?

[sistershoggoth]

What's the fuckin' difference? It's all about respectability. Life's a lot easier when no one respects you.

[ Although she doubts Lakshmi knows anything about that, or even agrees with it. That one wore her expectation of obedience like a goddamn frock. There were too many of them like that in this group, leaders who wanted to lead. It was exasperating. Especially when no one listened to a goddamn thing anyone else said. Fuckin' amazing. ]

[shri]

[ That was candid. Blunt. Perhaps what she expects from the young. Shades of Devi, pulling her gun. Shades of Jhalkari, refusing to lower her head despite a whole world that informed her she shouldn't even dare to breath the same air, let alone meet their eyes. ]

Only if you care for their definition of respectability. I certainly haven't for quite some time.

[ and with that, she holds her hand out of the bottle again - go on then, if this is the challenge. ]

[sistershoggoth]

[ Annie passes the bottle back around without any hesitation. There's more where that came from, it's fine. ]

People fuckin' trusting me, liking me, looking up to me: is all the worst shit in the world, ok. I am a grade 'A', self-destructive, fuck up. And oh my god if you try to, like, console me and tell me and tell me it's not that bad I'm not sharing with you any more.

[ She's sick of everyone telling her she's not that bad and that everything's going to be fine. It's not fine, and acting like it can be fine just opens her up to fuck it all up all over again. God give back that fucking bottle already. ]

[shri]

[ She takes a deeper, longer, sip. Drawn heavy against her tongue, a moment later, she turns her head away, and coughs. Heady as it is, strong as it is - awful as English water. ]

As you wish, I will not.

[ And with it, she sits beside her, offering the bottle back. ]

[sistershoggoth]

Thank fuckin' christ.

[ She hunches into her knees, staring off into the darkness, brooding. ]

Nyx was always yelling that he could fuckin' handle it, but now he's fucked off. Dumb ass piece of shit.

[shri]

He liked to do that, didn't he?

[ She settles, leaning her hands behind her to brace her weight. The heavy fall of night above them. Stars that are nothing she knows, stars that are so much but... a comfort to her, still. ]

[sistershoggoth]

He was an asshole.

[ A vibrant bastard who didn't take anything lying down and who had made her feel for a whole second like maybe if she collapsed someone really could deal with her shit. But of course, she'd put her hopes on someone else: and they'd left.

She tilts the bottle up over her head again, letting it pour down her throat. She's only just now beginning to feel stable, halfway in to the drink. ]

[shri]

Somehow still, a good man.

[ Her sigh, is thick heavy in her throat, she reaches to hook the bottle again. Another longer sip, heavily drawn back into herself. When was the last time she did this? Years and years ago. Here she is now. ]

Naturally, the most foolish ones always are.

[sistershoggoth]

[ She raises an eyebrow, turning to look at her. ]

Dude, are you actually getting misty over assholes of days gone by?

[ She grins, a little goblin expression of total mean spirited laughter. ]

Tell me. Pick one.

[shri]

[ Her hand lifts to the gold jewelry about her face, a circumspect little scratch to the mark between her brows. Because the truth of it is - a little more shameful than that. ]

You say that like there is many, I'm afraid there hasn't been. I haven't... haven't had the time.

[sistershoggoth]

Quit bein' so damn coy, get on with it.

[ She nudges Lakshmi in the ribs, grinning childishly. Nothing makes Annie quite as amused as sticking her fingers in other people's sore spots. ]

[shri]

[ Her eyes shut, her nose wrinkles - oh, what is she doing anyway? Pining over some lout, some wretched fool. ]

Damned idiot through himself off the houses of Parliament. Fool, wretched fool. He had to be fished near dead out of the river. [ She snatches up the bottle. He's clear in her mind, clear a glass. An older man, he had been full, of himself when she was being sharp with him, but of his own honor, too. But her memory of him was his form weak, laying in bed, unconscious and half a breath from death. Devoted to it and she -

- she laughs. Because what else is there to do? ] He is my gallant knight.

[sistershoggoth]

You've got a type.

[ Snickering. God, no wonder she'd liked fuckin' Nyx of all people. Annie had gotten a heaping dose of his gallantry, fighting his way through a war he wasn't going to win, chasing after a princess he couldn't curtail. ]

C'mon, you gotta have a little lesbian in you. What about a lady knight? I'll do you right.

[shri]

[ !!!!!!!!

...


????????!?!?!!?!?! ]

[shri]

What did you just say?

[ She clearly misheard that. ]

[sistershoggoth]

Which bit? The bit where I called you out for having a soft spot for dramatic, overly principled doofs? Or the bit where I offered to have sex with you?

[ She doesn't think either are particularly noteworthy. ]

[shri]

The - [ her mouth opens and shuts and - she quite probably deserves this, somehow, for everything she has ever done and - is this what it's like when she does it to other people? ] - latter.

[sistershoggoth]

What, you're super hot and regal and shit.

[ Who wouldn't want to...... ]

[shri]

Oh.

[ Well that's. Something. Good job, Lakshmi. When was the last time she got a compliment from anyone? Not a courtly half poisoned thing, but just - super hot and regal and shit.

This might be easier to process if she were a mark more sober but like any moment of hindsight, it didn't help particularly much in dealing with the consequences. ] Is that how they say that now?

[sistershoggoth]

[ She snorts. ]

That's how I'm sayin' it.

[shri]

[ Well, right, right. She clears her throat, trying to think of how to. ]

I am afraid I am not usually... propositioned, in such a way. By women... [ Wait, that isn't exactly true - ] Often. By women. Who aren't requesting, ah, payment.