[ Honour, what was it? Really? She knew it was what she lived by, fought by, made herself to what she was by the teachings of, when her father put that first sword in her hands as a girl. Guided her hands. It was not something gilded and polished like the Knight's in their halls. Not the pompous display she had heard the newly made Maharaja in Gwalior and Tatya speak of as they drunk themselves to defeat rather than attend to their duties.
It was something in her hands, in each movement and action, it had to be, or it never existed at all. ]
(Feeling satisfaction is undeniable. I have felt it, many times. And when I have killed Lord Hastings, I will have my truth known. Then I will have my peace.
But I want more than vengeance. I want more than to give my pain to others. If I did, what selfishness is that? What am I? I must be better, I will be better - else I never deserved the love that was bestowed me by the very people I fight in the memory of. They deserved more, and I will give more. I can no longer afford the compassion I was raised with, but I can afford this. If not - what else is there?
I must be better, I will be better. Or I am not Rani.)
[ Righteousness - but not to be self righteous. To know oneself in its completion. She is this, all the way down.
But Gods, if Misato was not her - her on a battlefield twenty years ago. Screaming herself hoarse in every order and ever roar of canon, it hurts, so low, reaching for a daughter that she has not been without for just as long. ]
no subject
It was something in her hands, in each movement and action, it had to be, or it never existed at all. ]
( Feeling satisfaction is undeniable. I have felt it, many times. And when I have killed Lord Hastings, I will have my truth known. Then I will have my peace.
But I want more than vengeance. I want more than to give my pain to others. If I did, what selfishness is that? What am I? I must be better, I will be better - else I never deserved the love that was bestowed me by the very people I fight in the memory of. They deserved more, and I will give more. I can no longer afford the compassion I was raised with, but I can afford this. If not - what else is there?
I must be better, I will be better. Or I am not Rani. )
[ Righteousness - but not to be self righteous. To know oneself in its completion. She is this, all the way down.
But Gods, if Misato was not her - her on a battlefield twenty years ago. Screaming herself hoarse in every order and ever roar of canon, it hurts, so low, reaching for a daughter that she has not been without for just as long. ]